June marks the start of National Safe Driving Month and for those of us who are growing older, the prospect of “giving up the car keys” signifies the loss of independence that we simply do not want to face.

Caregivers and the Senior Driving Roadmap

If you are a family caregiver for an older loved one, sooner or later you will probably find yourself needing to have that conversation about whether or not your loved one should still be driving their car.  While this conversation is hard to have, the alternative is terrifyingly tragic.  When you see the news reports on seniors driving the wrong way on a highway or the horrific accident that happened in 2003 where an 87-year-old driver accelerated rather than braking and plowed through a crowded Farmer’s Market in Los Angeles killing several people, you know this is about preventing the possible death of your loved one and others.

Over the next 20 years, one out of every four drivers will be over age 65 (more than 57 million drivers).  In fact, today 10 percent of all drivers are over age 70.  The statistics show us that:

• People 75 years or older have more fatal crashes of any age group except teens (ages 16-20)
• On average, men outlive their driving abilities by six years and for women it is 10 years

What are the Warning Signs?

Before you launch into the “driving retirement” conversation, here are some signs to look for in your older loved one’s driving abilities:

1. Feeling nervous, anxious or fearful while driving
2. Dents or scrapes on their car, hitting curbs or mailboxes or side of the garage
3. Difficulty staying in lanes
4. Trouble following road signs or lane/pavement markings
5. Slower response time to unexpected or normal situations such as braking or accelerating

Some senior driving issues may be helped with adjustments to seats, steering wheels, etc.  A wonderful program called CarFit created by several organizations including AARP and the American Society on Aging, found that by making small adjustments, driving skills may improve.  You can ask at car dealerships if they offer the CarFit assessment or check the Automobile Club of America’s “Roadwise Review” for more information about their senior driving assessments.

How to Have the Conversation

If you believe your loved one should not be driving anymore, having the conversation about “driving retirement” is not always easy.  In fact, a survey conducted by Caring.com and the National Safety Council found that 36 percent of seniors do not want to have the conversation about “giving up the keys” – more than they do not want to talk about funeral arrangements (29 percent) or selling the family home (18 percent).

So, how do you get started?  A study conducted by Hartford Insurance and MIT showed that most seniors want to be approached on driving issues first by their spouse.  If they live alone, then it is in this order:  their doctor, their adult child, their friend or sibling. The last person they want to hear from that they need to consider giving up driving is from a police officer.

Consulting your loved one’s physician will help guide you on this conversation but keep in mind:

1. First of all, it is important to emphasize that this is not about “giving something up” – it is more about moving from the driver’s seat to the passenger’s seat.  Your loved one can still get around, be in control and not feel housebound.  It just becomes a matter of finding alternative ways to get around.
2. It is about protection and prevention for your loved one and other drivers and citizens. Try discussing the recent news about senior drivers’ calamities to help emphasize this point.
3. Try suggesting one of the driving assessments mentioned above – by having a professional point out some concerns it may make the decision to stop driving easier.  To get them to an assessment or training, take the same approach as you would to prevention in health care.  As we age, we need to get annual mammograms, prostate exams or colonoscopies – driving tests or assessments should be part of our “health care preventative measures.”

For additional recommendations on having the conversation, check the information and materials developed by  Hartford Insurance – you will find great insights and tips.

The most important factor is to ensure your loved one is safe and that they are not a hazard to others while driving.  To allow them to be a danger to themselves and others will cause you more stress and possible sleepless nights that will ultimately impact your health as their family caregiver.

My next blog will discuss the alternative modes of transportation for caregivers and seniors to consider.