July is Sandwich Generation Month and for everyone who grew up with Wonder bread and PB&J sandwiches – this is a different kind of demographic – one that represents the dedication, patience and caring of older or chronically ill loved ones.

The “Sandwich Generation” is defined as those Americans caring for an aging parent or other older loved one while simultaneously caring for their own children – thus, “sandwiched” between older and younger generations needing care.

According to the National Alliance for Caregiving, there are more than 24 million Americans who represent the Sandwich Generation today – a number that will increase as our society faces the silver tsunami of a growing older population.  According to the Pew Research Center just over one of every eight Americans aged 40 to 60 is both raising a child and caring for a parent.  In addition, between seven to 10 million adults care for their aging parents long distance.

Because the U.S. Census Bureau statistics indicate that the number of older Americans aged 65 or older will double by the year 2030 to more than 70 million, becoming a family caregiver is becoming more of a reality for many Americans.

Prepare to Care

While there is a growing certainty that caregiving will impact your life, most Americans do not plan ahead for this life event.  The stress that can come with being thrust into caring for an older loved one while juggling the responsibilities of family and very often career (73 percent of caregivers also work full or part time) can lead to increased stress, sleepless nights, bad eating habits, lack of exercise and even depression.

If you have a plan in place, it will help to alleviate some of the stress and perhaps give you more time to balance your self-care health and wellness needs when caregiving comes a calling.

How do you get started?   I call it the “C-A-R-E” Conversation:

C = Create a conversation around caregiving. Start with either a personal story or recent news (this can be the story of a friend who has been caregiving or recent news such as Catherine Zeta Jones caring for her ill husband Michael Douglas while also caring for their two young children) that touches on elder care as an important role in our lives.

This will spark dialogue between you and your loved one on a less personal level and allow them to give opinions.  Once the conversation gets going, you can start to ask more pertinent, personal questions relating to your family.

A = Acknowledge your loved one’s wishes. There is a great document called “The Five Wishes” from Aging With Dignity which helps elders and caregivers start the conversation about what they want to have happen as their physical and mental capacities fade.

What is important is to ensure your loved one that you want to do what is best for them – by having this conversation now, rather than being in a crisis when a sudden illness or other event forces the issue, you will be better equipped to help them when the time comes.

R = Review what is already planned. Ask your loved one if they have a long-term-care (LTC) policy, legal documentation such as Powers of Attorney or Health Care Directives already set up, Wills, etc.  Make sure you know what is covered, and more importantly, what may not be covered.

Some seniors might feel like they have taken care of these plans, but very often LTC and other documentation does not cover everything and the fall-out is left to the caregiver.  This can cause both emotional and sometimes financial challenges.  If your loved one has a legal or estate advisor, you may want to meet with them to review your questions regarding the plans in place.

Again, make sure your loved one is comfortable with this idea – the purpose is to not invade their privacy but to have them understand this is a “partnership” for their elder care and you are going to possibly be acting on their behalf so it is important to know everything.

E = Engage the whole family. While you might be the one to take the initiative of starting the caregiving conversation, especially if you feel you will become the primary caregiver, you want to ensure you include any siblings, your other parent, or even your own family (spouse and older children), in the caregiving plan around your loved one.

This helps everyone prepare for their role and will help ensure the primary caregiver does not become burned out or bankrupt when they take on caregiving.

Family stress and strife, especially among siblings who do not agree on their parents’ care, is common especially as family emotions run high when a caregiving crisis hits.  You can hopefully avoid this when the time comes by having these conversations when everyone, including your loved one, can be involved, thus ensuring all these issues are discussed and decided upon ahead of time.

Becoming a member of the Sandwich Generation does not mean you have to get “squeezed” out of taking care of yourself.  By having the CARE Conversation and doing a little planning ahead, you will be better prepared to balance caring for yourself while you also care for everyone else.