The average is the borderline that keeps mere men in their place.  Those who step over the line are heroes by the very act.  Go! – Walter Schirra, Sr.

Today we commemorate and honor the memory of those who lost their lives in the attacks of September 11^th just 10 years ago.  We also give thanks to those first responders and troops and their families who continue to care for us and fight for our freedoms.

The I Will Campaign is a way to pledge what you will do today to commemorate September 11th – I encourage you to visit the site.  My pledge is to write this article about the lessons we can learn from 9/11 – especially as they apply to the 65 million family caregivers.

As I sit here watching the encore broadcast of the live coverage on MSNBC, I am transported back to that day 10 years ago – the feelings of shock, loss, despair and ultimately resolve and resilience – two characteristics that are the best of the America I love.

What is poignant to me, as someone engaged in the world of family caregiving, are the lessons we should all take away from the tragedy and triumphs that stand as the twin elements of this day, just as the Twin Towers once stood so proudly against the New York skyline.

Since I view America’s family caregivers as the “first responders” in the health care and long term care crisis in this country, here are my thoughts on how to prepare to care:

1. Never fail to communicate – one of the “Monday morning quarterback” elements of September 11^th was the appalling breakdown of communication between the various agencies that were established to safeguard our citizens.  Communication breakdown can also occur when you face a family caregiving situation.

Sensitivities to having those uncomfortable conversations about long-term care with your loved one, denial that our loved one is ailing or declining, lack of communication or agreement between family members involved can all lead to a lack of unpreparedness.  This then puts us in a similar situation as the first responders for 9/11 – dealing with a crisis.  By having the conversation with your loved one and other family members prior to the crisis, you can then have a plan in place that will take the some of the stress out of the situation and make your caregiving journey Iess fraught with emotional fall-out.

2.  Come together – what is so inspiring about the reaction to September 11^th was the spirit of Americans to put aside their differences, their selfish needs and care for strangers during a time which connected all of us.

When it comes to caring for a loved one, many caregivers have told me they feel like they are “all alone.”  The simple message here is you are not alone. Not only are you one of 65 million caregivers, but there are family, friends, neighbors, co-workers who can help you in your caregiving responsibilities.

By connecting with your social network on tasks they can help you with – it will take some of the burden off of your shoulders, help you avoid the typical caregiver “burn-out” and give you the resolve and stamina to continue to care for your loved one.  One of the Web-based communities I love that help connect “circles of care” for caregivers and helps answer that question “What can I do to help?” is Lotsa Helping Hands.

3.  Messages of love – one of my favorite movies, Love Actually, opens with a wonderful story about how the terrorists of 9/11 sought to create hatred and divide us when in actuality they created the opposite.  All the messages on 9/11 to friends, family and even the heroes on the plane United Flight 93 to their loved ones before they took on their hijackers – were about love.  Love does have the power to conquer evil – we have seen it firsthand.

When it comes to caring for a loved one who is ill, aging or has a disability, there are many feelings:  concern, sadness, confusion, anger, frustration, guilt, helplessness, exhaustion.  What is amazing to me is that in the face of all these complicated emotions, the one that stands out, the one that almost all the caregivers I have worked with express is “I do this out of love.”  There is something rewarding about being a caregiver and the ability to show and give love is one of the most powerful and life-altering experiences we can go through.

So today, out of all the days in the year, take time to communicate your message of love and come together with those you care about.  And, if you know a family caregiver – give them a hug or a call and just say, “thanks.”