I slept and dreamed that life was beauty;  I woke and found that life was duty.

–Ellen Sturgis Hooper

Today is Veterans Day when we honor those who have served our country at home and abroad to ensure our freedom.  But it is not just our service men and women who make the sacrifices for freedom.

I would also like to honor the 10 million family caregivers of our nation’s veterans and the seven million caregivers who are veterans themselves.

I recently had the privilege of speaking to two caregivers of veterans whose stories highlight the sacrifice and service which is the true hallmark of our military families.

From Newlywed to Nurse

Linda* met her husband, Joe*, in an online dating site for boomer and seniors.  She was in her late 50s and was thrilled to find the love of her life in this enigmatic, heroic man who was a Vietnam War veteran.  Their whirlwind romance led to marriage but Linda’s dreams of riding off into the sunset together were about to take a detour.  In Linda’s words, “Within 14 months I went from newlywed to nurse.”

Joe felt that he had long suffered the consequences of the Agent Orange that he had come into contact with in South Vietnam.  Recently, he had a complicated hernia operation and in addition to his rapid weight loss, he was eventually diagnosed with prostate cancer.  Linda began her long journey of caring for her ailing husband.

As days turned into weeks turned into months, Linda realized she was neglecting her own health and her emotional state was fragile.  She had stopped going to her gym class, stopped having lunch with girlfriends and ultimately she had to leave her job as head of a major company’s customer service department because Joe needed constant care.

Proud Parents Face a Retirement of Caregiving

Rosa* and her husband Louis* had both recently retired and were busy planning how they would be spending their “golden years.”  They had it all mapped out – a road trip in an RV that Louis had his eye on and participating in tandem bike races around the country.  Then the call came that would change everything.

Their son George, age 25, was serving in Iraq.  But instead of their weekly Skype chat, they received a call advising them that their son had been in a suicide bomb attack while on patrol.  He was being transported to Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C.

When they arrived, they found their once vibrant, talkative son had suffered traumatic brain injury (TBI).  The doctors informed Rosa and Louis that George would never regain his ability to walk, dress himself, bathe himself, have the ability to talk clearly, or be in any way independent.

After Rosa and Louis brought George home they needed to create a new normal.  The den in their family home was transformed into George’s room equipped with a special patient lift to easily get George from bed to wheelchair or the bath.  Every day, Rosa lovingly bathes her 27-year-old son – as she once did when he was only 27 months old.

Rosa teared up when she showed me her son’s Purple Heart as George told me that it was George Washington on the medal, “George just like me” came through loud and clear in George’s enthusiastic voice.  Whatever hopes and dreams she had for her son’s future are now captured in the pride that she has in her son and his service to his country.

Epilogues of Inspiration

Linda told me she pulled herself out of the downward spiral of depression so common for caregivers. She found solace two ways:  by creating an online newsletter which has now become a Lotsa Helping Hands community to update family and friends about Joe’s progress in beating his cancer and in her progress in getting her life back.  She also took a terrific caregiver self-care education training course through the local VA office called Powerful Tools for Caregivers.

You might think that Rosa and Louis’s plans for their retirement were destroyed but in reality they were just delayed.  The wonderful resilience and inspiration of this family is exemplified by the fact that just a few months ago, they took the RV to Denver along with George and participated in their tandem bike race – with George in a specially designed “pull cart” behind their bike.

In a landmark study released last Veterans Day by the National Alliance for Caregiving and underwritten by UnitedHealth Foundation, it showed:

• Veterans’ caregivers bear a higher burden than most, helping to manage emotional and physical conditions often for 10 years or longer.  In fact, compared to caregivers nationally, caregivers of veterans are twice as likely to be in their caregiving role for more than 10 years (30 percent vs. 15 percent).
• Caregivers of veterans are overwhelmingly women (96 percent) who sacrifice their own health, work and family life.  These veteran’s caregivers have twice the levels of stress (88 percent) or depression (63 percent) than typical caregivers.
• The study revealed that many veteran’s caregivers are younger – spouses of those having served in Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF)/Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF) but also revealed that Baby Boomer parents are caring for their injured adult children.
• Many of these veterans are suffering with the following:  60 percent have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), 70 percent with mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety, and 29 percent with traumatic brain injury (TBI).

Show How You Care for Our Veterans and Their Caregivers

Our veterans and their family caregivers deserve our thanks and our support.  Make a pledge to help a veteran and their caregiver in any way you can – through a donation, through volunteering, through a simple gesture like making a dinner or sitting with a wounded vet so their caregiver can get a break.

(See my companion article on supporting veterans and their caregivers here.)

God bless our troops, our veterans and their family caregivers.  And, on this Veterans Day (and every day) – my thanks for your service, your courage, your sacrifices and your caring.

Note:  This week’s blog is dedicated to the veterans in my life – my step-father who is a Korean War Veteran and proud Navy man, my late grandfather who was an Army WWII veteran and my brother’s good friend, Major Tai Le, who has done two tours in Iraq and has returned to us in California where he is now at Camp Pendelton after being assigned to the Pentagon in the JAG office.

*names changed for privacy reasons.