The fashion, the fans and the best films of 2023 gathered in La La Land March 10 to hear, “And the Oscar goes to . . .”

In celebration of Oscar Sunday, we have compiled our list of best films that capture the many ways we become caregivers and how it can provide lessons to us all on aging, dying and love.

Family Caregiving

These pictures run the gamut of caring for an older parent or in the film “Terms of Endearment,” a parent caring for an adult child where Shirley MacLaine’s hospital meltdown over getting her cancer-stricken daughter, Debra Winger, her medication is one scene many caregivers can relate to.

There is the comedic genius of Delia and Nora Ephron who wrote “Hanging Up” about their personal situation in caregiving for a curmudgeonly dying father and Alexander Payne’s directorial finesse showcasing an older parent and adult son on a road trip that helps them learn about life and each other in “Nebraska.”

The roller coaster ride of caring for an older parent is seen in “Falling,” “Savages,” and Hilary Swank and Robert DeNiro’s characters in “New Years Eve,” these films capture the spectrum of caregiver emotion.

I save my top thumbs up for “On Golden Pond,” a wry commentary on getting older and facing death and the relationships we need to mend before it is too late (with exceptional performances by Katherine Hepburn, Jane Fonda and Best Actor winner Henry Fonda in his last film role), and for “The Joy Luck Club,” where daughters gain a poignant lesson in caregiving from their collective mother’s past lives in communist China.

Spousal Caregiving

All of these films deal with either caregiving for a spouse or loss of a spouse. I included the classic holiday film, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” in this list because George Bailey (Jimmy Stewart) has suicidal ideation and is able to return to a life he was willing to sacrifice because of the love of his spouse and the social network of friends who truly care about him.

The inspiration of “The Theory of Everything” allows us to see how the love of a caregiving spouse can in turn help the world when that spouse is world-renowned physicist Stephen Hawking.

“Once Around” is a forgotten film from 1991 starring Holly Hunter who finds her calling in marrying and then caregiving for her older husband, Richard Dreyfuss.

“Ordinary Love,” The Descendants” and  the classic 1970 “Love Story” show different variations on husbands caregiving for spouses who face death.

And “P.S. I Love You” is a sweet movie on how a young widow is guided back to life with letters written to her by her now dead husband who encourages her to “get on with it.”

Alzheimer’s Caregiving

Anyone who has been a caregiver for someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease (AD) knows how emotionally difficult it can be – it is called the “long good-bye” for a reason.

Some of these movies feel more like documentaries on the harsh realities of Alzheimer’s: Julianne Moore (who won the Best Actress Oscar for her role) beautifully capturing what a vibrant young woman in her prime feels when diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimer’s; two husbands struggling with their wives diagnosis of AD in the stark “Amour” about an older couple in France and the heartbreaking “Away From Her” when the wife, played by Julie Christie, moves into a memory care facility and develops a relationship with another resident forgetting who her husband is.

Then there is the dark humor of “Frank and Robot” that showcases how technology is playing and will play a bigger role in caregiving in the future – maybe even as our primary caregiver (or at least our comrade in library heists as a hilarious scene portrays).

Two films showcase caring for a parent with dementia in very different ways: Justin Timberlake in “Friends with Benefits” shows the stigma and a son’s early embarrassment of having a father with Alzheimer’s but how he learns to lean-in during the “pants in the restaurant” scene; and Olivia Colman and Anthony Hopkins play out a psychological drama about a father losing one’s memory and cognition.

But I save my highest praise for “What They Had” and “The Notebook.” The first for showing the complexities of what each family member feels when the matriarch, Blythe Danner, is diagnosed with dementia; and the second is the romance of James Garner and Gena Rowlands (with a traumatic “sundowning” scene and spiritual end-of-life scene) who as enduring young lovers, Noah and Allie, are inspirational despite the disease diagnosis.

Special Needs Caregiving

All these films involve children and younger adults with special needs and chronic illnesses while their caregivers show compassion, empathy and love. Whether it is mental illness in “Silver Linings Playbook,” leukemia in “Dying Young,” Asperger’s Syndrome in “Extremely Loud, Incredibly Close,” autism in “Rain Man” and “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape,” heart disease in “Untamed Heart” and tetraplegia in “Me Before You” these movies show that even with the challenges of certain conditions, the support of a loving caregiver shows that life can be beautiful.

Friends Caregiving

Older friends you meet later in life, lifelong friends who travel with you and unexpected friends – all are featured in these films that show the spectrum of those caring for friends.

Today, we have many “solo agers,” those without close family or who have been widowed or divorced but who may need a little help from their friends to get by (so sang Ringo). These movies showcase the best of those friendships – through the good times but more importantly through the bad times – and also highlight how our “families of choice” are just as essential to surviving and thriving in life.

End of Life Caregiving

While not a topic most people flock to theaters to see, these movies about dealing with end-of-life, death and life after caregiving are humorous and inspirational.

“The Bonneville” is about promises kept and friendships that flourish all during a road trip to say good-bye to Jessica Lange’s late husband.

“The Farewell” is about how different cultures approach a terminal diagnosis. Based on Chinese culture, Awkwafina’s character learns to respect her ancestral traditions and keep the diagnosis a secret from her grandmother, something Western culture typically rejects. Both have wonderful lessons about approaching life and

death.

Other Oscars and Caregiving Movies Articles

And the Oscar Goes to Caregivers – PBS Next Avenue

Caregiving goes to the Oscars – Huff Post

Still Alice May Be the Movie That Sparks the Alzheimer’s Movement – PBS Next Avenue

©2024 Sherri Snelling